A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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