u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
