I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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