I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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