you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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