I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
should my penis look like a turkey
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
