Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
