I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
