You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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