is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
