Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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