she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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