RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
