I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
