Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
