his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
