he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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