i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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