i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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