Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
