You're completely useless in the revolution.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
