I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
