we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You need a sexual gate keeper
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
