oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
