Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
