Will you blow on my dice?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
