He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
