i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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