Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
