I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
