I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
