Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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