Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
