shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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