I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
