Life is so much better after having sex.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
