i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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