Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
