You can't motorboat a personality
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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