I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
