Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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