i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
