tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
