I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
