Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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