I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
