Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
