did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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