at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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