I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
