I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
nutella sex= disaster
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
