I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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