if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I lost the right to judge tonight
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
