Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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