it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
